Review of ESC 2022 - Semi-final 2

 

Now that we've tackled the first semi-final, it's time to move on to the second one. Let's see what it has to offer!

The Rasmus - Jezebel (Finland)

Every now and then we get some properly internationally established artists in the Eurovision line-ups, but as we know, pre-existing fame alone is not enough to yield successful results. Nearly two decades after conquering the charts with "In The Shadows", the Finnish alt-rock band The Rasmus now has its sights set on the Eurovision stage. So will they be conquering it as well?

Musically speaking, the entry is splendid: the instrumental actually sounds pretty fresh (no nostalgia pandering) and the chorus is an absolute earworm.

The lyrics are a mixed bag. The song title references the biblical character Jezebel and is an ode to the modern, (sexually) liberated woman, the power of whom is underscored with some light BDSM imagery. The titular character is described as:

• a killer shark in heels
• a predator on wheels
• at night she turns into a tiger
• a girl who looks like she's a boy
• the world's most ultimate survivor

As you can see, not all the lyricism lands.

But the vocals are the real rough spot here. Singer Lauri Ylönen's singing in the UMK live performance was thin and strained and really needs to elevated if the band wants to be anywhere near the grand final. A lot is riding on the live vocal and the staging here, but I feel like the song itself has great bones.

★★★½

Michael Ben David - I.M (Israel)

Israel's 2022 entry "I.M" is the answer to the question "how would it sound like if RuPaul's Drag Race queens wrote verses to a rip-off of Katy Perry's 'Swish Swish'"? Seriously, with a lyric like "And no one brings me down /  I'm gonna take the crown / Give it to me now", I wonder if knows he even knows what he's auditioned for. Like honey, you do know this is what you're competing for...? There will be no crown, no 100,000 dollars, no sickening supply of make-up of any kind.

Sadly, "I.M" also has all the charisma and uniqueness of a young Drag Race fan who punctuates sentences with "girl" and bitchy side-eye. The instrumental track was revamped (probably in anticipation of an eventual cease and desist), but the new chorus sounds like it was put together in ten minutes. Not good. And the more traditionally Israeli-sounding bit before the final chorus comes out of nowhere and feels tacked on.

Good on the singer for living his truth, but I think a lot of the viewers are going to be rather indifferent should the song be told to sashay away. I know I am.

★½

Konstrakta - In Corpore Sano (Serbia)

"What could be the secret of Meghan Markle's healthy hair?" asks Konstrakta on the already iconic opening line of the Serbian entry "In Corpore Sano" (= "In a Healthy Body"). This is undoubtedly one of the most WTF numbers this year; is it a hand-washing tutorial (that the world needed already two years ago)? Is it social commentary? Is it performance art?

Or maybe it's just D) all of the above. The message here seems to be a criticism of obsessing over physical appearances and looking healthy, while simultaneously ignoring the importance of mental health. This interpretation is at least seemingly supported by the ominous Latin chanting in the end: "A sick mind in a healthy body / A sad soul in a healthy body / A desperate mind in a healthy body / A frightened mind in a healthy body".

"In Corpore Sano" relies heavily on the theatrical live staging and singer Konstrakta's deadpan commitment to it – it's very hard to for example imagine the song working as well as an acoustic cover. And it does bear repeating that this is, ultimately, a song competition.

However, "In Corpore Sano" has become something of a culty fan favourite at this point and it's commendable how original and far out of the Eurovision box this entry is. I bet that the audience singing and clapping along to the "Biti zdrava" bit going to be a great moment live. Although it might not win over the casual audience, I do think it has a healthy chance of qualifying.

★★★½

Nadir Rustamli - Fade To Black (Azerbaijan)

I'm not going to lie, it took me a moment to realise this was sung in English. Now, there is nothing wrong with having an accent – after all, most of the Eurovision songs with English lyrics are performed by non-natives and that is perfectly fine – but I do hope that the pronunciation will be a little more... intelligible.

The track itself is a nice, slow-burning ballad. You know the type, starts with gentle piano notes, picks up more instruments as it progresses. The standout moment comes with the high notes in the final chorus, which should sound great live (I couldn't find a suitable live performance so we'll have to wait until Thursday to see).

"Fade To Black" might not be the most memorable thing around but it's still a pretty little song that, if they nail the staging and the live rendition, just might advance to the final.

★★★

Circus Mircus - Lock Me In (Georgia)

Georgia has for a long time been one of my favourite Eurovision countries. A true bastion of originality, this is the country that is never afraid to push the boundaries of the contest, with entries ranging from futuristic ethno-electronica and psychedelic indie rock to new-agey cult folk, to name but a few. And you know what, I respect that immensely.

In 2022, Georgia does not disappoint. "Lock Me In" is a deliciously eccentric mix of indie rock and geeky synths with a little bit of prog thrown in for good measure. With nonsensical lyrics like "Take me to the space craft / Take me to dance club", the song does not take itself too seriously, while still staying firmly off the joke entry territory. Like, don't get me wrong, I too was... confused, to say the least, during the first listen. But by the second time around, the shimmering chorus brought a big smile across my face. "Lock Me In" is such a silly, carefree romp that you can't help but feel happy!

The song is admittedly not without faults. Or quirks, at least. For some reason, it clocks at just over two and a half minutes, ending abruptly at the second chorus with no middle eight or anything. I do wish they had utilised the remaining half a minute too, perhaps by extending and building upon the last chorus, or by looping back to the intro somehow, or something. It just feels like the song is cut far too short! Thank goodness for the replay button.

Interestingly enough, along with Norway's Subwoolfer, Circus Mircus is another masked act with hidden identities participating in this year's contest. There is speculation that the group might be an alter ego of Young Georgian Lolitaz, the Georgian representatives from 2016 with a similarly indie rock-influenced sound.

Anyway, I'm not going to lie – this might very well be my favourite song entry of the year. It is far too experimental and unconventional to do well with the casual viewers, but with a killer staging, "Lock Me In" could end up being a surprise qualifier.

★★★★

Emma Muscat - I Am What I Am (Malta)

"I Am What I Am" is a song title that has been used on at least two famous gay anthems (by the Village People and Gloria Gaynor). It is a powerful statement, one of self-acceptance and self-empowerment. So, when a conventionally attractive young woman apparently born into privilege sings about learning to accept herself...

"This is my masterplan

I'm gonna take a stand

Take it or leave it

I am what I am"

...it is a little hard not to be cynical. Especially when the song itself is a Melodifestivalen reject workshopped at a Eurovision songwriting camp. There's some piano playing, finger snapping, vaguely uplifting but staunchly impersonal lyrical content, session singers in the background – the works. It comes across as calculated and formulaic, and you've definitely heard it all before.

The production is alright but bland, the lyrics are uninspired, and the repetitiveness (particularly in the choruses) only serves to add to the overall dullness. Not even the gospel backing vocals manage to breathe soul into the song. Ironically, a song titled "I Am What I Am" turns out to be devoid of identity.

★★

Achille Lauro - Stripper (San Marino)

One of the biggest mysteries of the year is how it took 11 (I repeat, eleven) songwriters to write "Stripper". Rife with pop culture references, the bilingual lyrics keep zigzagging between English and Italian with some unintentionally comical pronunciation in the latter. On paper (and on first listen) its definitely a mess but the more you listen to it, the more fun you start to have with it.

Both musically and aesthetically, the entry is somewhat reminiscent of last year's winners, Måneskin –  you've got Italian rock'n'roll swagger with a side of heroin chic. The song will undoubtedly a smash hit at the Sammarinese strip club(s), but the inevitable Måneskin comparisons will probably weigh down its chances of success in Turin.

★★½

Sheldon Riley - Not The Same (Australia)

Following the country's first non-qualification since their 2015 inclusion, Australia is back with the emotional ballad "Not The Same". The lyrics tell a touching story about growing up with feelings of not belonging:

"'Cause you're told to play but you're not the same

As the other kids playing the same games

Try to jump on in but they push away"

Thematically, I'm sure the lyrics resonate with a range of viewers for many different reasons. Sheldon Riley delivers a powerful vocal performance but ventures a tad too far into the theatrics of it all: the removal of the beaded mask with trembling hands and the nearly-crying voice crack come across as melodramatic (almost even disingenuous, considering he then resumes belting without any apparent issues).

I do wish the song had ended on a slightly more positive note instead of the repeated "We're not the same, no" lines. Now it keeps highlighting that if you're different, you can't belong, rather than giving the message a more optimistic twist about how deep down, everyone is inherently the same.

★★★½

Andromache - Ela (Cyprus)

After a couple of years of female dance bops, Cyprus returns to its Mediterranean roots with "Ela". A bilingual mid-tempo track with an easy one-word sing-along post-chorus bit and some traditional instruments sprinkled in, "Ela" is pretty much exactly what you'd expect from this corner of the Eurovision world. That is not to say that it's bad, it's just very safe and unsurprising. The staging is going to play a big role in determining its fate but even if it should make it to the final, it will probably sink into oblivion there.

I must say I'm not a massive fan of Andromache's way of singing in the parts where the vocals sort of drift in and out, as if someone was messing with the volume slider. But this is just a matter of taste I suppose. 

★★½

Brooke - That's Rich (Ireland)

Picking up the pace, we've got Ireland with "That Rich" by Brooke. Channelling the essence of a neon-lit electropop number with attitude-driven lyrics and a galloping dance beat from circa 2010, "That Rich" wouldn't sound out of place sandwiched on a playlist between Noisettes and Electra Heart-era Marina.

This is a decently catchy effort but it doesn't really truly take off at any point. Maybe the chorus could've been more explosive to make the song more dynamic and less flat? Also, the live vocals will need to be stronger in the semi-final in order for the entry to have any chances of qualifying. Still, there is potential.

★★★

Andrea - Circles (North Macedonia)

This year, North Macedonia has opted to go for trap-pop, a sound that has been all the rage for the past couple of years. "We run around, run around in circles", sings Andrea on lyrics about a crumbling relationship that do exactly that. I'm going to give the lyrics the benefit of the doubt and assume their repetitiveness is a stylistic choice.

The production is actually pretty fresh considering how easily a trap beat could sound recycled with the genre's recent mainstream popularity. A good live performance should carry them to the grand final quite comfortably.

★★★½

Stefan - Hope (Estonia)

Estonia's entry "Hope" is a spaghetti western pastiche that sounds oddly out of place in a contest celebrating European music. There's even a cheeky The Good, the Bad and the Ugly leitmotif reference at 1:03! 

Singer Stefan is feeling his best cowboy fantasy in his delivery and to be fair, the vocals are great. Musically, the song brings to mind the more country-inspired Avicii material and in the context of Eurovision, also Måns Zelmerlöw's 2015 winning entry "Heroes" (without the EDM parts, anyway). The performance should be strong enough to reward Estonia with a slot in the final, and thankfully the singer restrained himself from going full-on cosplay with a Stetson hat.

 

★★★

WRS - Llámame (Romania)

No, you read it right, the Romanian entry has a Spanish song title (and a Latin-infused middle eight to boot). For some reason, gratuitous Spanish seems to have become an Eurovision staple in the aftermath of songs like "Fuego" and "El Diablo".

The track itself is a sleek, modern dance pop tune that you could imagine hearing at your local H&M or beachside bar. It's definitely catchy and the "Hola, mi bebé-bé / Llámame, llámame" lends for a fun little sing-along moment. I would like to hear a more solid vocal performance in the semi-final, though – similarly to Cyprus's Andromache, the singing is at times jarringly breathy. Either way, Romania is an easy qualifier this year.

★★★½

Ochman - River (Poland)

When I first heard the Polish entry, it reminded me of Born To Die-era Lana Del Rey with its hip-hop-lite beat and semi-orchestral instrumentation – sort of like a more uptempo "Blue Jeans". The song has excellent production, sounding simultaneously both modern and timeless. Singer Ochman delivers a great vocal performance, even culminating in a Muse-esque falsetto in the middle eight.

Poland is a definite qualifier who I can see eventually finding itself somewhere on the left half of the grand final scoreboard. Depending on the live staging, a top 10 placement is certainly within their reach.

★★★½

Vladana - Breathe (Montenegro)

This year's Montenegrin entry feels like a throwback to the Southeastern European ballads of the late 00s or early 2010s. "Breathe" is a beautiful, if a little dated-sounding number, with stirring instrumentation and raw lyrics that deal with losing loved ones to COVID, inspired by the loss of her own mother:

"The battle for the life is bigger than you know

To act so selfishly is unforgivable

The air is what they need

Air is what they breathe

They'll die without it 

It's unforgivable"

There is no doubt that this words will hit hard with anyone who has been personally affected by the pandemic in this way.

Singer Vladana performs the dramatic song flawlessly and I hope the staging will be kept simple and refined in order to best showcase the vocals and the message.

Fun fact: Vladana has also recorded the song in Italian and, of all the languages, Finnish.

★★★

Jérémie Makiese - Miss You (Belgium)

This years’s Belgian entry is a slice of modern R’n’B. It’s just fine but ultimately forgettable. The vocals are great, but the chorus is sadly lacking in oomph (particularly in contrast with the gospel-backed build-up of the middle eight), which doesn’t bode too well for the song. It’s not a very unlikely qualifier I think.

★★½

Cornelia Jakobs - Hold Me Closer (Sweden)

Another year, another perfectly produced Swedish entry. At this point it is a matter of fact that with Sweden, you’re not going to get anything other than polished pop perfection with them. "Hold Me Closer" is a story about a getting a last hurrah out of an ending relationship:

"Oh, it kills me,

I found the right one at the wrong time

But until the sunrise

Could you just hold me tight

I know I have to let go,

but just give me the night"

Singer Cornelia’s occasionally raspy vocals evoke a feeling of a young Bonnie Tyler and with Sweden, that is probably as ’edgy’ as it’ll ever get. The chorus sounds a tad familiar but either way, there is no doubt about Sweden continuing its excellent track record of mostly top 10 placements of the past decade or so.

★★★½

We Are Domi - Lights Off (Czech Republic)

This year, the Czech Republic has that mid-2010s house-producer-feat-pop-vocalist energy DOWN. It’s a catchy number that, from this spot in the semi-final, should be a no-brainer qualifier. It doesn’t reinvent the wheel, but it’s good enough to gather a good share of votes. See you on Saturday!

★★★½

So, who's going to qualify?

Certain finalists (in alphabetical order):

- Poland

- Sweden

Likely finalists:

- Australia

- Estonia

- Romania

- Serbia

- Czech Republic

Possible/borderline finalists:

- Finland

- North Macedonia

Surprise finalist:

- Georgia (yes, I’m optimistic like that)