After two exciting semi-finals, we've got our final line-up all figured out. Getting to this point has been a rollercoaster, truth be told; awkward hosting and jokes that don't land you already know to expect, but shaky camerawork, cheap-looking postcards, CGI taken from an early 00s music video, and a stage built around entirely around a rotating centerpiece that neither moves nor lights up is just unacceptable and a real embarrassment.
And why is the random water element at the front of the stage given so much screentime? I get that it's a reference to Italy's numerous and iconic fountains but seriously, they're turning half the songs into bathroom breaks with the constant cuts to the flowing water.
Well, life is full of interruptions and complications. And at the end of they day, this is a song contest, so let's just focus on the thing that really matters – the music. So which song will be the one snatch the Eurovision trophy? Let's take a look!
We Are Domi - Lights Off (Czech Republic)
First they closed off the second semi-final, and now they're opening the grand final – here is the Czech Republic, represented by We Are Domi. "Lights Off" remains a catchy, well-produced dance/house song that starts the show on a great note.
Being so early in the running order might not be the most favourable thing but I believe the song will still stand out quite nicely. The country's best result to date is sixth and while they might not surpass that result this year, "Lights Off" should still win over a decent share of the votes.
★★★★
WRS - Llámame (Romania)
If the song "Llamamé" was flirting with some Spanish influences, then the live performance really takes it all the way. Donning his finest matador-but-make-it-fashion garb, WRS salsas his way through the the bisexual choreography with full commitment, even if I still don't get what the whole Spanish cosplay has to do with any of this.
With the dreaded second spot in the running order, Romania's chances for a high finish look less than rosy. Nonetheless, they put on a strong live show that should be enough to convince quite a few bebé-bés to pick up their phones.
★★★★
MARO - Saudade, Saudade (Portugal)
I was really happy to see Portugal's magical "Saudade, Saudade" make it to the final. The camerawork supports the live performance beautifully, making the circle of singers will intimate while also showing the sea of phone flashlights in the background. I do still wish singer MARO's vocals would be stronger though as they kind of stick out against the dreamy backing harmonies.
★★★★
The Rasmus - Jezebel (Finland)
It is also a shame how weak Finland's Lauri Ylönen's vocals start, although they do fortunately improve throughout the performance. The band has an infectious energy and the big balloons are used effectively to create a unique staging. Hearing the audience sing along to the chorus was a fun moment and the chorus remains every bit of an earworm. The creepy IT reference in the beginning is a bit of a choice though.
Either way, "Jezebel" is an entertaining number, even if the lacklustre vocal performance will likely dilute its chances for finishing in the top 10.
★★★½
Marius Bear - Boys Do Cry (Switzerland)
I'm not going to lie, Switzerland's advancement to the grand final was a big surprise to me. Perhaps the singer nailed the jury rehearsal, but the semi-final just felt like a hungover snoozefest to me. For me, there is definitely a disconnect between the sentimental lyrics on the one hand, and then the singer's appearance and stage presence on the other.
Speaking of which, singer Marius Bear is wearing a bulky leather jacket that looks like it was stolen from last year's James Newman along with trousers that are several sizes too big. After two consecutive years of questionable styling, someone ought to be fired in the Swiss ESC delegation.
★★½
Alvan & Ahez - Fulenn (France)
Many have compared "Fulenn" to last year's "Shum" but sadly, I don't think they deliver the song as convincingly as Go_A. If you want to sell us a pagan forest rave fantasy, you better commit all the way (like Go_A did). Instead, you have the three female vocalists walking aimlessly around the stage, while the male singer is busy hogging all the attention, either by dancing like a white boy on cocaine or by pretending to play all the instruments of the song by himself, ten seconds at a time.
The song itself is a really cool mix of electronic beats and tribal sounds and it's great that its sung in the Breton language. I just wish that the live performance would better support the mystical vibe of the track – I think the belly dancer is the best and most fitting part of it, but she's paid dust throughout the three minutes. It does need to be said that the live vocals have definitely improved from the national final.
Musically speaking, I think "Fulenn" also sounds more like a modern successor to the 2007 Bulgarian entry "Water" if anything (fun fact: one half of the 2007 Bulgarian duo was also a member of their 2022 representative Intelligent Music Project).
★★★½
Subwoolfer - Give That Wolf A Banana (Norway)
While we might have lost our Latvian salad boys, Norway's banana-advocating space wolves did make it to the final to spread the message of a plant-based diet. With a catchy instrumental and memorable visuals, this was of course to be expected. In the Eurovision, there is always a niche for jokey meme songs and this year, the final only has two songs in that category.
For my personal taste, "Give That Wolf A Banana" is still very much a gimmicky affair that tries very hard to be quirky. Nonetheless, I'm sure a fair share of European televoters will be feeling the potassium high.
Norway is playing a very clever game this year as the Greek representative is actually half Norwegian, and the Czech group also has some Norwegian members. I smell a stunt.
★★½
Rosa Linn - Snap (Armenia)
While Armenia had a perfect slot in its semi-final, I was still a bit surprised to see it qualify. "Snap" is cutesy, rehashed indie folk that makes for some feel-good easy listening but I have a hard time seeing it properly stand out this early in a line-up of 25 songs.
The live performance relies heavily on interacting with the props, which may also not carry the same impact on the second time around. But then, I've been wrong before.
★★★
Mahmood & Blanco - Brividi (Italy)
This year, Italy is represented by Mahmood and Blanco, the former of which you of course remember from 2019's "Soldi, soldi *clap clap*" fame. Unfortunately, while two very different songs, "Soldi" is a much stronger showing for Mahmood than "Brividi". The two singers' vocals were subject to a jarring amount of autotune on the studio version, while on the live version they just don't mesh very well. Instrumentally, "Brividi" is a pretty ballad but in both cases, the vocals let it down.
Still, as this is Italy we're speaking about, I would be surprised to see them outside of the top 10.
★★★
Chanel - SloMo (Spain)
While Romania's lyrics featured gratuitous Spanish, for some reason Spain has opted to sprinkle theirs with individual words in English:
"Les vuelvo loquito' a todos los daddie'Voy siempre primera, nunca secondaryApena' hago doom, doom con mi boom, boomY le' tengo dando zoom, zoom on my yummy"
To each their own.
Singer Chanel is dressed like she's going to the same party as Romania's WRS, although she won't need to pretend to be Spanish to get in. Anyway, similarly to Romania, Spain serves a catchy, modern dance bop with very competent choreography and an irresistible beat. Get ready to see Europe entranced by Chanel's booty hypnotic.
★★★★
S10 - De Diepte (Netherlands)
In the first semi-final, S10 delivered a haunting rendition of her song "De Diepte" and was very deservedly given a spot in the grand final. The staging is very minimal but that suits the song to a tee. This is definitely one of the better ballads this year, so will S10 be in the top 10? I wouldn't be too surprised!
★★★★
Kalush Orchestra - Stefania (Ukraine)
Ukraine was always going to be qualifying and there is no denying that there will probably be some sympathy votes coming at their way tonight. However, make no mistake – as much as people are already trying to brush Ukraine's eventual success off as politics and pity, Stefania is an absolute banger. Blending urban rap and streetwise attitudes with folky instruments and heartfelt lyrics, the song struck me as a potential winner before I ever even knew who it was by.
I was happy to hear that the singing was much stronger and more on key than in the national final. The staging was brilliant, as is often the case with Ukraine. The swaying shadow silhouettes on the floor during the pre-chorus bits were especially memorable, as were the mother figure's crying eyes in the background.
Although the camerawork was quite horrendous in terms of the latter; when the glowing stream of tears start flowing in the eyes, first the streams are blocked by the nonfunctioning black sun of doom, and when the camera tries to show the streams flowing on the floor, the eyes are hidden behind the lighting fixtures. And when the dancer starts breakdancing, symbolically held up by the mother, the camera cuts away from the hands in two seconds or so, making the imagery easy to miss.
But despite the camera mishaps, the song and the performance shine through – "Stefania" is an unforgettable number in its own right that the group deliver with incredible energy.
★★★★★
Malik Harris - Rockstars (Germany)
Germany's 2022 entry is a Twenty One Pilots-lite pop-rock track with one of the most worn-out chord progressions there is. Singer Malik Harris delivers the song in a very committed manner, but it's hard to feel particularly enthused about it. More than a rock star, this feels like an opening act. Not a bad opening act, but an opening nonetheless.
★★★
Monika Liu - Sentimentai (Lithuania)
I was really excited to see Lithuania qualify this year! Monika Liu delivered a memorable, slinky and elegant performance of her song "Sentimentai" and I'm glad that they kept the staging simple and classy. The bob-haired singer was oozing confidence and charisma and I would love to see her showered with points, like she deserves. Will she finish in the top 10? Perhaps not, but hopefully the European juries and televoters can recognise quality when it's served to them on a silver platter. Or in a silver gown, at least.
★★★★½
Nadir Rustamli - Fade To Black (Azerbaijan)
I'm not sure why Azerbaijan's Nadir Rustamli looks like he's decided to take a seat in the audience instead of taking it to the stage, but I guess it did lend for some interesting shadow choreography. The pronunciation is still a tad unintelligible and the high notes didn't go quite as well as they needed to, but hey – let's hope that the final performance will be stronger.
★★★
Jérémie Makiese - Miss You (Belgium)
Belgium’s qualification was another personal surprise, but not a too unpleasant one. I think it will still unfortunately drown among the stronger contestants.
★★★
Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord - Die Together (Greece)
Greece was an expected finalist and to be fair, it was a deserved outcome. However, I still take issue with the problematic lyrics that set a very questionable example (not that you would probably go to Eurovision lyrics for relationship advice, anyway). The staging with the broken chairs is pretty creative, though.
On a side note, is it just me or does the singer look a little like a younger Michelle Gomez?
★★★
Systur - Með Hækkandi Sól (Iceland)
I was pleased to see the Icelandic cottagecore sisters qualify with their captivating entry ”Með Hækkandi Sól”. The staging is very minimal, which works perfectly for the song, but it might have needed some kind of a unique visual to help it stand out more.
★★★★
Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers - Trenulețul (Moldova)
One of the biggest surprised, however, must’ve been the fact that Moldova choo-choo’d their way to the final. But at the same time, did you guys see what an absolute blast they were having onstage? They clearly won the audience over with their fun energy – they had Europe feeling all the folklore, all the rock’n’roll!
And the thing is, they have a pretty great slot in running order. Also, their most direct competition in the meme category is Norway who, I think, is just not as genuinely fun as this is. So, while Moldova will probably tank the jury vote, might the televote carry them even higher on the scoreboard than we expect? Jard to say, but Moldova is definitely one of the biggest wild cards in this show.
★★★½
Cornelia Jakobs - Hold Me Closer (Sweden)
These days, betting on Sweden qualifying is like putting money in the bank. And I mean, of course they were one of the strongest qualifiers of their semi-final so, you know, good on them.
All sassiness aside, Cornelia Jakobs has a cool, raspy voice, and the song is exactly the polished quality that you’ve come to expect from Sweden, starting as a lovely ballad and eventually introducing a trademark Scandi beat. A jury darling for sure, but I bet it’ll do magnificently with the televote, too.
★★★★
Sheldon Riley - Not The Same (Australia)
It was a relief to see Australia’s Sheldon Riley tone down the melodrama a little – the song is theatrical enough as is.
The singing is spot on and showcases his strong voice excellently. I don’t really have any notes on this, other than the fact that I still think the lyrics send a depressing message of differences setting you apart rather there being an inherent sameness uniting everyone regardless of their differences. But I do of course understand that the story is written from the point of view of a bullied child who doesn’t feel like he belongs, so that’s there.
★★★★
Sam Ryder - Space Man (United Kingdom)
After years of questionable results and infamously, a nil points finish last year (which was supposed to be a near impossibility with the modern voting system), the United Kingdom finally has an entry that has managed to create some proper hype beforehand.
”Space Man” has this timeless quality to it that has echoes of 70s glam and 90s Britpop – think younger Elton John or even a poppy David Bowie. Will singer Sam Ryder’s great voice and perennial positivity be enough to break the UK curse and launch them to Eurovision success at last? I think it just might! I don’t they’re going to win necessarily but a top 10 finish is looking very possible.
★★★★
Ochman - River (Poland)
Uh… the Polish song was already perfectly fine enough to qualify, so I’m not sure where they were going with seizuring camera shots, dancing swamp monsters, the thunderbolts and lightning, and the raindrops that let’s be real, look like a whole another type of liquid altogether.
Over-staging is definitely a thing and sadly, Poland is a contender for the worst offender this year.
★★★
Konstrakta - In Corpore Sano (Serbia)
Konstrakta has been a massive fan favourite this year and she has a pretty perfect slot in the running order so I'm expecting her to make it to top 10 quite easily. Although a musical parallel has been drawn between the French entry and last year's Ukrainian song "Shum", I think that as a phenomenon, Konstrakta just might be a better parallel for Go_A: both have eccentric electronic numbers, with lyrics sung in their respective native languages, performed by icy but charismatic female singers, and served with a side of WTF factor. Go_A came in fifth and I do believe Konstrakta has the potential of pulling off a similar result.
★★★★½
Stefan - Hope (Estonia)
Finally, closing off the running order, we’ve got Estonia (a slightly odd choice me, truth be told). I still find their cowboy cosplay out of place, but you know what, Stefan sings well so good for him. The closing spot is usually a favourable one but how much will they benefit from it? Not enough for a top 10 result, I’m afraid.
★★★
Top 10 predictions
So how do I predict the top 10 to look like? In alphabetical order, I'd guess it to be something along the lines of:
- France
- Greece
- Italy
- Netherlands
- Norway
- Serbia
- Spain
- Sweden
- Ukraine
- United Kingdom
...with the winner being Ukraine.
Regardless of the results of the contest, I want to give a shout-out to the linguistic diversity of the year: out of the 45 competing songs, eights songs were fully and another eight partially in languages other than English. As nice as it is to actually understand the lyrics, it is also amazing to get to hear languages you wouldn't normally encounter in your day-to-day life. And what is the Eurovision Song Contest if not a celebration of our cultural diversity?
Anyway. I hope you all have had a wonderful Eurovision season, I can't believe it's already coming to an end...! In times when it feels like we need this more than ever, it is incredible to get to celebrate everything that's bringing us together: the glitz, the camp, the cringe, the heartfeltness, the dancing, the laughter, the shared schadenfreude, and the fabulousness of it all. And hopefully, this year's contest succeeded in pushing the boundaries just a little bit more regarding our expectations of what Eurovision music should and could be like.
Thank you for reading, and good night!
No comments:
Post a Comment