Review of ESC 2022 - Semi-final 1

 

Another year has passed and it's May again, so you know what that means – it's Eurovision time!

Now, I think we all can agree that so far, 2022 has been rough. Which is exactly why in times like these, we need things like the Eurovision Song Contest more than ever: it's a celebration of unity, diversity, and a peaceful cultural exchange. Not to mention a whole bunch of fun!

So without further ado, let us take a look at what this year has to offer.

Ronela Hajati - Sekret (Albania)

Kicking off the first semi-final we have Albania. "Sekret" is a great starter for this year's contest, filled with ethnic flavour, attitude and modern sounds – think "Mata Hari" meets Major Lazer. Singer Ronela Hajati seems like a charismatic entertainer and a strong vocalist, so it's a shame how sparsely the song utilises the latter; when you think about it, there's actually surprisingly little singing in the song. A lot of the vocal sections are sort of talk-singing in low register, and there are lengthy post-chorus instrumental dance breaks. She does have an excellent stage presence though and really sells the song either way.

As any Eurovision fan can tell you, there are two things that you can count on getting with Albania: a powerhouse female vocalist and an unnecessary revamp. This year, I made the mistake of listening to the songs as they were being announced, which meant that whenever a song was revamped for the actual contest, I had to wrap my head around the new version. Sadly, I found the Albanian revamp (once again) underwhelming; the beautiful piano intro and the slightly differently produced choruses gave the original version a more varied and dynamic structure, which was lost in the revamp. Also, I'm not sure if it was necessary to translate bits of the song in English (with some Spanish randomly sprinkled in?), when the lyrics are stuff like

"Hey, I will never regret

You will be my secret

Baby, feel my body

Toca-tócalo, I like it"

You see, the thing is, when you listen to a song in a language you don't understand, everything sounds so much more profound and authentic.

Nonetheless, I think it's a good entry and should be an easy qualifier. With a great live performance and a favourable slot in the running order, it should easily land on the left side of the grand final scoreboard.

★★★★

Citi Zēni - Eat Your Salad (Latvia)

Imagine the spit-takes among the casual viewers when the opening line is "Instead of meat, I eat veggies and pussy"...! Although I bet they're going to have to censor that (probably with a tongue-in-cheek meow sound).

You know how they joke about vegans always making everyone else aware of them being vegans? Well, imagine they did that with a song, and bam! – you've got "Eat Your Salad". Lyrically, this dish consists of tasks on an environmentalist checklist ("I ride my bicycle to work instead of a car / All of my groceries are divided by weight / and stored in glass jars"), juvenile sexual innuendo ("forget the hot dogs / 'cause my sausage is bigger"), and lame slogans you might see plastered on a classroom wall ("Being green is hot / Being green is cool").

But my goodness if it isn't one hell of a catchy song, though! The production is top-notch, the group is having a blast onstage, and I really like the velvety voice of the bassist singing on the chorus.

If you wish to send a 'meme' entry into the Eurovision Song Contest, you'd better make sure the song is actually good. Fortunately, Latvia delivers on that front and is a clear contender in the meme category. And more importantly, an easy qualifier.

★★★★

Monika Liu - Sentimentai (Lithuania)

Next, we have Latvia's southern neighbour, Lithuania. "Sentimentai" is a captivating retro number that could be a lost minor-key schlager gem from the 60s/70s – you can easily imagine singer Monika Liu performing this song in a smoky bar with an old-timey microphone in one hand and a cigarette in the other. The moddish look sure helps!

Make no mistake, though – "Sentimentai" has just enough of a modern twist to make it sound fresh and not too referential. It is sung entirely in Lithuanian and it's always great when countries feel confident enough to send entries sung in their native languages. So hats off to that, too, we need more of that.

I also enjoy the minimalist staging; rather than stacking the performance with dancers and pyros and sparkles, they rely on the song's simple elegance and Monika Liu's playful charisma. Lithuania should be qualifying quite comfortably this year, and a top 10/15 result in the final should be fully plausible. I could especially see the juries warming up to this.

There's an almost hypnotic quality to this song, it's very easy to leave it playing on repeat and get immersed in its fabulous world. And I just want it to find the success it deserves!

★★★★½

Marius Bear - Boys Do Cry (Switzerland)

Whereas Lithuania's song could have been lifted from a European art-house film classic, Switzerland's "Boys Do Cry" is straight from a Hallmark Christmas movie. You know, from that scene where the main character has fucked up and is kicked out by his love interest on Christmas Eve. Next, he's walking alone on a cold, snowy street, while seeing happy families in the warmth of their festively decorated houses. Finally, he ends up drinking by himself at an empty hotel lounge bar, and that is where he comes to a realisation that he's been an awful person – but not too awful to redeem himself in the next scene with a grand, romantic gesture.

Anyway, let's get back on topic. Objectively speaking, "Boys Do Cry" is a beautiful jazzy ballad with lyrics about embracing male emotional vulnerability, which is all very important. It would work perfectly as a mellow soundtrack tune, but is it a bit too snoozy for the Eurovision stage? Perhaps.

Having said that, while the song is a tad saccharine for my personal liking, it is not bad by any means. Actually, now that I've listened to it a couple of times while writing this, it is kind of starting to grow on me more. I think it's time to move on before I feel the need to reconsider its rating.

★★★

LPS - Disko (Slovenia)

Let us continue our journey. Slovenia's entry "Disko" sounds, to me, like stuff you'd hear in the dance room of a tax-free cruise where middle-agers sip margaritas and twirl in sensible shoes. Which is, of course, a perfectly valid type of music. However, I find the song to be a bit... typical in its genre. Like, you'd hear a dance orchestra play a full set of songs like this, and while they are enjoyable background music, you wouldn't be able to tell one song from another afterwards.

And sadly, that is what "Disko" is giving me. I think it's quite telling that when I was listening to it on Spotify on repeat, I literally couldn't tell when the song ended and started again (it loops pretty seamlessly, funnily enough).

The group does perform well and the production quality is good, but ultimately the song is likely too forgettable to truly stand out. Furthermore, unlike Lithuania's "Sentimentai" – also very retro-esque in nature – "Disko" fails to give the musical style it refers to a modern spin in the slightest. Props to the song being in Slovene, though.

★★½

Kalush Orchestra - Stefania - Ukraine

Next, we have Ukraine, one of this year's frontrunners (and not undeservedly so, might I add). It is difficult, nay impossible to write about Ukraine this year without alluding to the current situation of the country. Many have been quick to predict the country to automatically ride to victory on a wave of sympathy points, thus pre-emptively invalidating their possible success.

Granted, some viewers will indubitably be picking up their phones in a gesture of sympathy, too, and the absence of Russia this year will leave a large amount of Eastern European points up for grabs, which Ukraine will likely profit from to an extent.

But it would be terribly unfair to pin it all on the war. At the end of the day, this is a song competition and the track itself is a brilliant slice of folk rap complete with traditional instruments, urban beats and ethnic streetwear. When I was listening to the ESC playlist for the first time without paying any attention to the artists/countries, this song came on and I was immediately drawn to it as a potential winner.

"Stefania" is an instantly memorable tune that sounds both fresh and exciting. It is a melancholic but spirited ode to the narrator's mother, which of course adds an extra layer of meaning. And as we know, Ukraine knows how to stage a show. In the national preselection performance, the singing was at times off-key, but hopefully that won't be an issue come Tuesday (and Saturday).

★★★★½

Intelligent Music Project - Intention (Bulgaria)

Moving on, there's Bulgaria, represented by Intelligent Music Project. Their track "Intention" is one of those songs that is just... fine, but nothing special. It's not objectively bad as such, but it's literally just some tepid dad rock from a couple of decades ago that doesn't offer much new in its genre. Like, at least throw in an arena-worthy chorus or something while you're at it, but no.

I honestly have very little to say about this one and already feel like I'm being a bit generous with the rating, so I'm going to skip to the next song now.

★★½

S10 – De Diepte (Netherlands)

(I couldn't find an 'official' live version, so a random TV performance will be used instead.)

Good music can transcend language, and the Netherlands' this year's entry is a great example of that. "De Diepte" is a gloomy ballad and S10's downbeat delivery conveys emotion across language barriers. The strong melodies leave an impression already on the first listen, and the choruses stand out excellently in contrast with the quieter verses.

The Netherlands has had a mainly successful decade ever since Anouk (2013), and I have no doubt that "De Diepte" will continue that streak quite nicely – at this stage, I'd expect the Netherlands to land in the top 10 (or top 15 at the very least) in the final.

★★★★

Zdob și Zdub & Advahov Brothers - Trenulețul (Moldova)

Eurovision wouldn't be Eurovision without at least some trademark ESC wackiness in the mix – such as the folk-rock hoedown of "Trenulețul". The song tells a story of a jolly train ride between the capitals of Moldova and Romania: "Hey ho, let's go / Folklore and rock'n'roll / Join the train, be our guest / Chișinău to Bucharest". The lyrics point out similarities between the two countries, seemingly even considering the separation of the two as arbitrary (the English translation is taken from the official music video):

"The train's going, just like flying

From one country to another

It is going but confused

What's the country, are they fused?

Is it old or is it new?

Seems like one, but also two

Are there two? Or just one part?

Both together and apart"

Consequently, some have speculated the entry to be an allegorical thumbs-up to the idea of a Moldovan-Romanian reunification.

Is it going to qualify? Absolutely not. Is it going to go down in history as a Eurovision classic? Nah. But is it nonetheless a genuinely fun little number that will make you smile and bop along? You bet!

★★½

MARO - Saudade, Saudade (Portugal)

Saudade, defined as a "a deep emotional state of melancholic longing for a person or thing that is absent", is a reportedly untranslatable concept that is deeply ingrained in the Portuguese culture – so much so that it's surprising that this is the first Portuguese ESC entry in nearly six decades to be named after it. Singing about such an important cultural concept related to national identity could easily come across as trite (it's a bit like a Finn singing about sisu or a Dane crooning about hygge).

It is equally if not even more risky to participate in the Eurovision Song Contest with a grower; a lot of of the viewers will hear the entries for the first time during the live shows, so unless the song is instantly recognisable, you might be losing out on voting potential.

Thankfully, "Saudade, Saudade" avoids both pitfalls. A heartfelt tribute to the singer's late grandfather, the lyrics describe the indescribable longing for a lost loved one: "Saudade, saudade / Nothing more that I can say / says it in a better way". The dreamy, lo-fi-esque soundscape grows with each listen, revealing new layers in a seemingly simple tune. Yet, it's magical enough to pull you in during the first time as well.

Compared to the beautiful background harmonies, singer MARO's vocals sound a little rough around the edges. Having said that, this also sort of lends to the vulnerability and the sincerity of the song.

I would expect Portugal to do better with the juries than with the televote, but hopefully we won't have to miss out on hearing "Saudade, Saudade" again on Saturday.

★★★★

Mia Dimšić - Guilty Pleasure (Croatia)

I am a a massive Eurovision fan but if I'm honest, at this point I've learnt not to expect much in terms of lyrical content, which oftentimes feels like an afterthought filled with platitudes and c'mon baby yeahs. Because of that, it's always refreshing when there are more lyrically driven entries, such as Croatia's "Guilty Pleasure".

The song tells the story of a woman in a committed relationship whose mind keeps wandering towards someone else. "Dreamt of you last night / Woke up, you weren't there / Five nights in a row / Of dreams I'd never share", she sings, before ultimately dismissing those dreams in the chorus: "I'm with him and you're a secret treasure / He's devotion, you're a guilty pleasure".

This country/folk-pop ballad features some of the stronger songwriting this year, and I would love to see that being rewarded with a slot in the grand final.

★★★½

Reddi - The Show (Denmark)

"The Show" might start off as a mellow piano ballad, but make no mistake – after the first chorus, it morphs into an energetic pop-rock stomper. In the beginning, I did write this off as a mediocre throwback to 00s pop-punk. Which, truthfully, it still is. But at the same time, there is a certain sweet and youthful infectiousness that has caused it to stealthily grow on me.

Whether that is enough to carry it further from the semi-final remains to be seen, but perhaps it will benefit from coming after two slower songs. The group seems like they're having a great time onstage and that is always a delight to see (and maybe that'll translate to votes, too).

★★★

LUM!X feat. Pia Maria - Halo (Austria)

Speaking of throwbacks, Austria's "Halo" is certainly one, heavily drawing inspiration from 90s Eurodance (think in the lines of E-Type, Pandora and the like).

Similarly to Slovenia's entry, "Halo" does very little to modernise the sound of the genre it's borrowing from; rather then sounding like Eurodance as seen through the lens of 2022, it sounds pretty much exactly like the genre was three decades ago. And considering it's not exactly the most timeless of styles, the song ends up sounding inevitably dated.

I'm also really not a fan of the vocal production, the singing sounds distractingly tinny to me. Maybe the live vocals will be better, but either way, I have a feeling this angel will be falling on Tuesday.

★★

Systur - Með Hækkandi Sól (Iceland)

There is something quite magical about the Icelandic language, which is something that "Með Hækkandi Sól" showcases exquisitely. In stark contrast with its predecessor in the lineup, this gorgeous folk ballad does have a decidedly timeless quality to it. Even if you don't understand the language, the melody is memorable and the different elements of the song add up to a harmonious whole.

Iceland's two most recent entries have landed in the top 10, and I wouldn't be too surprised if they managed to get a third one in a row. It is of obviously not as out there as "Hatrið mun sigra", nor might it reach the fan favourite status of "10 Years", but it should still find recognition among juries and televoters alike.

★★★★½

Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord - Die Together (Greece)

This year, Greece is represented by the Greek-Norwegian singer Amanda Tenfjord and her song "Die Together". (I couldn't really find a suitable live performance so we'll have to settle for the music video.) An Imogen Heap-esque harmoniser effect is used distinctively throughout the song and I'm interested to see if they choose to do so in the live version as well. (Call me old-fashioned, but I do miss the days when all the singing had to be live and unaltered. Sigh.)

"Die Together" is a dramatic synth-pop ballad that is fairly easy to remember and will probably do well enough. The structure of the song is great; the first third is almost entirely devoid of instruments, with the harmonised vocals being used in their stead. Gradually the instrumentals grow into a wonderful crescendo, strings and all.

But the lyrical content is where I take issue. Massive issue. You know how young artists sometimes write songs about their first proper love experiences where everything is super melodramatic and extra (do the kids still say that)? Well, here we have a couple who appear to have started to grow apart:

"Are you having a good time?

Doesn't seem like you're all fine

We don't laugh anymore

And when we cry we do it on our own"

Okay, that's always a bummer. At that point you just cut your losses and -

"But if we die together now 

We will always have each other 

I won't lose you for another"

Wait what? What happened to the good old regular break-up? You know, wanting to be bound in death to someone who's falling out of love with you – just so that someone else can't have them – doesn't sound very healthy. So girl, I'm going to need you to find some self-respect, and -

"Take my heart and rip it out

Bring it to the other side"

AMANDA, WAIT.

★★★

Subwoolfer - Give That Wolf A Banana (Norway)

From the country that gave you "What Does The Fox Say?" comes another canine-themed comedy song, "Give That Wolf A Banana". Is it a coincidence or would you find a familiar duo behind those peculiar yellow masks? Your guess is as good as mine, but the rumours are aplenty.

Either way, "Subwoolfer" seems determined to become the meme of the year with their cartoony costumes, comical choreography, and raNdOM lyrics ("And before that wolf eats my grandma / Give that wolf a banana / Give that wolf /(I want your grandma, yum, yum)"). However, whereas Latvia's song was genuinely fun (albeit a tad cringy in the lyrics section), "Give That Wolf A Banana" feels contrived: the track itself has a modern, well-produced vibe and you could imagine it being played at the clubs, but everything else feels gimmicky.

At the same time, it's supposed to be a humorous entry... yet it forgot to actually be funny? Also, considering the duo themselves is supposed to be a pair of 'intergalactic space wolves' or something, who exactly are they singing this to? Each other? Themselves? Some other wolf who's decided to go cannibal? I'm confused.

Like, sure – I bet there will be plenty of social media clips of people replicating the dance moves and chanting the song title and all but I don't know, I just find the lot of it too manufactured.

★★½

Rosa Linn - Snap (Armenia)

(Here's another entry with no 'official' live performance, so I'm using some random performance clip instead.)

At the coveted closing spot, we've got Armenia with "Snap". It's a bit of an anticlimax for the first semi-final, truth be told; it's a cutesy little indie folk number, but it struggles to make a lasting impact. It has an (in)offensively generic instrumental that you can easily imagine hearing in a Youtube ad for life insurance or a recommended Instagram post about arts and crafts. And it has chord progression that you've already heard countless times in other virtually identical easy-listening songs.

It's not bad, it's just bland. So very bland.

★★½

So, who's going to qualify?

As we know, the semi-finalists compete for ten golden tickets to the grand final. After listening to the line-up, I would consider the following artists to be sure-fire finalists (in alphabetical order):

1. Greece

2. Netherlands

3. Ukraine

They will most likely be joined by the following:

4. Albania

5. Latvia

6. Norway

I'd also consider these entries as fairly probable finalists:

7. Iceland

8. Lithuania

9. Portugal

Now, according to my predictions, this would leave one last slot for the taking with eight acts still in the running:

- Armenia, Slovenia and Switzerland all come across as background music to me.

- Austria and Bulgaria – while two very different songs – both sound dated. Of the two, the former has an edge due to the inherent campiness of Eurodance.

- Croatia has a great song but finds itself in a crowded category of sad/ballad-y indie/folk/country numbers (Iceland, Netherlands, Portugal; also Armenia).

- Denmark is a bit of a wild card to me. On the one hand, it's somewhat generic, but at the same time, the group has a great energy to them.

- Moldova is also a lot of fun but let's be real, they will bomb both the juries and the televote.

So my final guess is that the tenth finalist will be Denmark.

Anyway, those were my musings. Happy Eurovision week everyone!